My world is like the pictures above - black and white. For once, I want to live a life worth living. For once, I want to forget the past and start anew. For once, I just wanted to be me in this constricted society. For once, I want to break free. But I can't, because people around me won't let go of my past, because there are barriers in life that are stopping me - and because the past keeps haunting back. To summarize it all, it's called - Stress/Sadness.

Sometimes I would appreciate if one could just seal their lips and shut their ass about what they have to say about me, what they have to comment and laugh about. 'Cause seriously, I feel like shit after they make their nasty asshole comments right in front of my naked eye. Or even worst, some people who have no ego to stand up and say what they wanna say, backstab you. Welcome to my world, this is what I face - day after day. I don't wanna say much to them but - May karma strike you, bitch!

Don't act like a big deal/big shot if you're not, 'cause it will just turn out to be a plain disgust to me. Not only it's a disgust, but you'll be hell of an irritant to me. Because you know why? People who think they are that, are seriously naggy to the core. Not concern-naggy, but naggy-naggy. Argh, plain disgust.

So yeah, I've recently been in a very harsh/irritated mood. I don't really care who you are but once you cross my line, I'll snap you. Well, not with scissors, but with words. Sorry if I've offended you in one way or another, but I guess you deserved it - or else I wouldn't have snapped you. I am nice okay. Ask people, I don't yell and scream vulgarities in public like an idiot.

I guess some people think that I have a huge ego, but I still think that I am humble enough. Maybe you've mistaken my pride and my 'oh-so-jolly' side for that. Even though I might seem jolly and happy in life, but deep down within I am actually not. Like I said - The smiles are fake but the tears are real. I pretty much guess Sulivia knows what I am talking about. But I just can't afford to get anymore damages, and physically - I think my body is starting to fail on me. Getting weak more easily nowadays.

I want a sweet escape, like to a place happily ever after. But it seems impossible. Oh no, correction - It IS impossible! Hais, what a dread. Chatting to Suriyono now, the things he said is actually quite true. "Singaporeans only think and are concern about money", "Singapore's life is so tiring". Goodness. Why can't someone think about happiness in the first place? You can't buy happiness you know. If I've got the money but is a depressed freak, what is the use? Hais.

I want to be happy, but people keep telling me this - Study = Future = Money. WTH. They missed out the important point. I would really rather be happy, than to be so emotionally unstable like now, because it's just going to be hell torturous. Enough said, words are easier said than done.

I am stuck in my own zone, facing this crazy world. I just wish people could understand me better for who I am. Not as their son, not as their student, not as their senior, not as their whoever-they-treat-me-as. But as me, the real me - the real deal, buried underneath all the fakes. For the umpteen time, I need to wake up - and so do you.

The fact is that I am utterly not in the right mood to update right now. Okay, you can call it laziness. But hell, I am very tired. Not used to waking up early after the holidays - it's pure torture. Ergh, shall not complain.

Birthday is coming in 2 days time, I don't wanna lead a lonely birthday this year. But it seems like my friends are either busy or they don't even care. Fine, whatever. Going out with Wawa, that's for sure!

P/S: Don't talk to me if you wanna bitch about me, not in the right mood and attitude now. I need some love, someone to shower me with lots of those hearts. ):

Sorry for the lack of updates for the past few days/week. It has definitely been an eventful week for me, and as I am penning this down, I am experiencing mixed feelings and encountering different emotions that is trying to erupt. Was suppose to take part in a competition tomorrow with UDC, but due to some circumstances (which is my fault), I can't take part.

So, with that, school is reopening in 2 days time. I am honestly not prepared physically and mentally. It's like as if I could freak out on the first day of school. Ohwells, I really have to start working hard and and flick those F's away and get back my A's. I need them. With that, I have to put dance to a halt to concentrate on my studies. It's not just only me, but many crewmates are also taking a break after tomorrow.

I wonder if some people look at me and treat me differently because of who I really am. I'll leave you here with one of our recent performance video, don't really have the spark and energy to blog now. Some news are just devastating enought to send shockwaves.

..and last note, listen to 'Brave' by Jennifer Lopez. It just gives me this feeling, to get up on my feet again. I need someone to catch me when I fall. ):

"I make sacrifices and work hard to strive for the best. I just wish you would understand. But now it all has to end."